got dropped of at a cute bar and had a margarita and elotes

i was playing pikmin bloom while i walked to the venue and a girl stopped me to warn me that there were metal detectors. she was on her way back to her car to put her camera away. i was so relieved that i didnt bring mine even tho the venue site doesn't mention cameras. she asked me if i smoke and i went with her to an alley. i made sure it was only one hit and i explained that "i'm already pretty floaty normally so i have to be careful." i wish i said more normal things, like umm maybe mention that i also like film photography. she was cute. im forever awkward but that might part of what makes me charming so it is ok.

ended up going cold and sweaty and nearly passed out anyway lol. "i will never smoke again" i said to myself. probably just because i was out alone so it was extra scary. but it was fine last friday? i should probably not be smoking random joints if i cant figure out what strains make me anxious. idk i don't rly want to buy my own because i don't feel like falling into any habits again, even if it does make the creative ideas flow. another lesson about my limitations i guess. i learned a few months ago that my current drink limit is 2 or 3. not fucking 6 anymore lol. enough for me to dissolve my anxiety and unmask and be able speak like a normal person but not so much that i am escaping reality. now that it has passed i still feel like it was worth it lmao. (never knows best) i've been pondering the best way to express my thoughts and feelings for a while now and i came up with a lot of good ideas tonight that will tie everything together in a unique way. it is so me, actually. felt inspired af.

i ended up having a lovely time. orion sun is an adorable human. it's difficult trying not to feel my feelings sometimes even though there is a part of me that kinda likes hurting because it makes me feel alive. concert etiquette really is fucking dead tho and that makes me sad. it's always people yelling stupid shit at the most inappropriate times. likeee...my parents didn't give me attention either, but i know how to act right. trying to make yourself the center of attention like that is such loser behavior.

went to the arcade with my sister and allen on friday. idk if it's just because i needed to de-stress or if it was because i was kinda high(probably both tbh) but i locked the fuck in playing initial d and my sister couldn't even see me on the map. it's silly because i don't drive anymore.

we played maimai and it had the don quijote song lmao.

i had a good night. i finally opened up about things that have been swirling around in my head. i've been bottling things up, i guess mostly because of the supernatural elements attached to my situation. i don't want to feel crazy about things that are so real to me. i was worrying over nothing though. i didn't feel judged, i felt relieved. it's all so much lighter. i'm very lucky to have the people close to me.

yesterday we went to thai afternoon tea to celebrate my sister's birthday. so yummy. going to be thinking about those sandwiches for another year or two or however long until we go back.

i gifted my sister the skip and loafer OP dancing figures bc she mentioned them before and i'm happy she liked them. she gave me a fushigi yuugi artbook that she found at HPB a while back. it was very sweet of her.

we played dokapon kingdom for probably way too long. the estimated play time was between 1 and 2 hours and it somehow ended up being 4 or 5. the last in-game week got crazy. i stole a spinner from my sister and i was chasing my sister and serenity down to collect bounties on them. i didn't end up catching them. allen kept doing gamba suicide and fell into debt and i think that's the only reason i won lmao.

i read tarot for wendy and for allen and i had a lot of fun doing it. it was a good learning experience. i actually felt a lot of energy passing through me during allen's reading and i felt like i had a good flow going. it was a lot of fun and i want to do it more often.

i won tickets to see orion sun this week. i can't think of anyone to bring with me so i will probably go alone but that's not a bad thing. i do really enjoy going to shows solo.

had a lovely talk with my lyft driver on my way to the show today about near death experiences, rejection being redirection, freedom from rat race responsibilities, the healing effects of nature, and societal expectations for mothers. she was really bubbly and i felt like i was too.

went to see dreamer isioma and ivri. i told ivri that that i thought her soul is pretty and that i really like her hair. she drew a cat for me. dreamer isioma ended with a song with sample of dearly beloved from kingdom hearts. tonight was perfectly dreamy. i think smaller shows have so much more charm because of how intimate they are.

my lyft driver on the way back spoke to me about a lot of spiritual things. he talked to me about premonitions, lost souls, karma, descents into the darkness to find light, an african tradition of offering water to your ancestors to ask for guidance, and by the end of the ride he felt that he had to open up to me about a traumatic experience. today was very interesting and magical and i appreciate everything. life is strange but i love it.

went to bigdash with allen, serenity, wendy and their partners. got the habba cake and it was really yummy. the address had my favorite angel number. allen wanted to go to the mall so we went to wander around there. "the millenial urge to go to the mall" he said.

we ran into caleb and chris at uniqlo. caleb called out my name in an exaggerated accent. a cute little thing that he has done since highschool. i love little surprises like this. i bought a cute miffy shirt.

after the mall we went to japanese bbq and the meat was so good but im so full that i'm going to explode x.x

wendy said that she likes to listen to the spotify blend that we have with plum to find random songs so we made a new one with serenity and allen included too.

i just got home and my dad made a comment on how many packages i've been getting and i told him that i had to order the things i wanted from china while i could and he laughed (,,>﹏<,,)

i was happy to see my friends today but i think all of the spiritual energy that i've been working with makes it challenging to be out and around people, at least at this current stage. i should probably ground myself but it's fun being floaty. it's hard to be on earth and it's easier to be alone.

soundtrack for today:
bigbang - bang bang bang
mgmt - kids
yeah yeah yeahs - maps
loco, punch - say yes
max - stupid in love
zedd - clarity