when i checked the bottom of the deck for the astro deck it was water, then fire, then air. i thought it was really interesting that there were three element cards in a row. the only one missing is earth, which i assosiate with grounding, practicality, and stability. i'm hearing waves by dj satomi in my head which maybe makes sense since the bottom of the deck was water. i noticed 2:22 on the clock as i went to upload my photos to edit. 2's in numerology represent balance and i think this is alluding to the missing earth element.
at the center we have the square card from the astrology deck which says "a challenging situation and a mountain to climb" and the reflection card from the wild child oracle. i decided to roll my astrology dice for planets and got jupiter and saturn. the last jupiter-saturn squares were august 19 2024, december 24, 2024, and june 15, 2025. i went back to look at my photos from those dates. on august 19th 2024 i helped my mom with expediting her passport and i have a photo of a tarot pull from the my melody deck; it was the lovers, 2 of wands, and the hierophant. i also had some photos of people recreating the steps scene from the movie "your name." i didn't have anything on the 24th of december. on june 15th last year i had a screenshot about the emotional properties of black tourmaline. it was also the last time i had been intimate with anyone so i remember it really well but that's not something i need to go into lol. something else to note is that there was a mars-uranus square also happening on june 15th last year and i'm only aware of this because we just had another one a few days ago and i went and tracked what happened during the last few mars-uranus squares for me personally since i was feeling some chaotic-ass energy and had to check the transits to figure out which planets to blame.
so at a glance, i'm noticing a lot of birds and how what the crow may be holding could be either of the two archetypes cards, since the colors are similar, there is a bird on the gnosis card, and what appears to be a nest on the gem card. i'm actually imagining it as the crow from the left side flying off with the gem from the right side and circling through an alchemical inward spiral. i was also seeing this as a clock and "yearnings of the wind" from chrono trigger started playing so that is confirmation for me. it's one of map songs from the game and it plays after crono goes back in time through the portal at the fair to find marle. i would say all of this describes the left side of the spread and how it interacts with the right.
the right side feels very similar but subtly different. we have the phoenix, the queen, and the gem. the queen card (i'm hot~ ...and apparently unserious lol. oh but no, i thought about it this side is about confidence too so) is about sacrifices, difficult decisions, and achieving goals. the phoenix is the root chakra card in the animal spirit deck and describes the burning away of karmic entanglements as the phoenix ascends upwards towards the solar plexus. i would say the left side energy is more about the transformation of the upper three chakras. what is missing out of these is the heart. balancing is a consistent theme here. and so is duality.
i went ahead and pulled tarot to go alongside this to try to dig some more. i had initially only pulled the emperor, king of swords, and the empress and then decided i needed clarifiers so those are above.
i guess the most notable thing at a glance here is that in both rows as we progress from the left to the right, there is more color.
the king of swords feels strange in between the emperor and the empress, which is an obvious pair that is facing away from each other. it makes a little more sense when looking at the imagery on the inner parts of the cards and when clarified by the tower. it feels like they are in the incorrect positions so it gives this feeling of distortion and imbalance. it is worth noting that the earth element is present on the left and right side of the tower and in the empress card. so we need to get into what is separating them to bring a balance. the center cards have a very saturn/pluto vibe for me. this particular tower card is labeled as "downfall." i went to look at the guidebook for this deck's king of swords.
anyway the heart needs to expand again and i think the way to do that is to let go of control.
adding a bunch of decks to my wishlist for when the time and place are right for buying them. the before and after tarot decks really shifted my view on what i may like in a deck. i tend to just gravitate towards art styles that i really like, but there is a lot to appreciate in the symbolism and story telling of some decks that aren't my usual aesthetic. there are a few that i want that seem to have really good accompanying guidebooks and some that just seem better for intuitive reads. this is sending me on a rabbit hole through some cute blogs, which is always a fun little adventure because that is what the internet is at it's best, a small window into other people's worlds that we otherwise would never see, not whatever capitalist hellscape modern social media is.
i saw the loputyn deck in my mind's eye and heard to take "only one" so this card is at the center of the reading.
directly above this is aletheia, a card about an act of truth, disclosure, and unveiling what has been concealed. the guidebook mentions the goddess ma'at, a deity and concept that i have been drawn to since last summer. is your heart as light as a feather?
on the left side is the desert and the eight of cups and on the right is the shapeshifter and death. since i very specifically felt that i should use this deck that is relationship focused, this is about leaving a relationship behind. walking away from something and going on a journey where you are finding truths that may have remained hidden had you not let go of what was once comfortable but probably stagnant. i think this is a transformative period of intense self-confrontation and seeing where you haven't been honest with yourself. like being forced open but there is a lot of resistance. i keep hearing "it's necessary" and it's making it hard for me to think things out and write more so i guess i'm done lol.
song: maddening shroud
the only suit missing is wands(action, movement) but i think that comes after. i don't see it in the cards but it feels like quick movement as soon as what happens here in this pause is processed.
i see a very clear connection between the two of swords and the moon. there is a very reflective feeling to them. i think the imagery on this 2 of swords can be taken a few ways, but what i am getting is a removal of the blindfold, rather than tying it on. defences are coming down.
what i am getting from the six of cups, hanged man, and the stars feels sort of like coming back to one's self through someone else and remembering what you want for yourself.
it is interesting seeing a grim reaper on the 4 of pentacles. this side of the spread feels like holding onto something past it's expiration date out of a fear of change, but the change is inevitable and necessary. whatever is being held onto here seems to be something that initially felt like happiness but it now a source of stress, possibly to the extent of it coming through as health issues. it feels like being surrounded by people that are draining one's happiness.
the feeling i'm getting from this overall is that a decision is about to be made, and with newly found clarity. this is going to push things into a new cycle.
in a fucked up effort to try to memorize the imagery and symbolism of the RWS i have shuffled together the before and after tarot decks and will be using these alongside some books with the original artwork. maybe it will help, maybe it will fuck me up more. either way it will be fun.
just doing a general reading for myself. usually when i am at home and doing a reading alone i put the cards away after taking photos of them to tidy up my desk but i am leaving them out this time.
first i pulled the five cards on the bottom row. the magician from the after tarot was at the bottom of the deck so i placed it next to the two lenormand cards that i pulled to get a better idea of what this might be talking about, because i felt it belonged there.
the clover is about luck and opportunity. the gentleman is umm a man. lmao. it's a significator card. the magician typically depicts the cup, sword, pentacle, and wand on the table in front of him and they represent the four elemental suits. they are levitating in this card. the magician is about making your dreams into a reality, and it feels more active with this card.
the top row feels like a person, likely a man that will have a favorable outcome with his manifestation. it feels like someone with mutable energy, particularly mars. the bottom row feels like a sequence of events, maybe this is what the man is manifesting.
excluding what is pictured in the magician card, there are no swords or cups. so i would say this all feels more focused on actions taken in the physical, rather than in the mental or emotional spaces. it feels very instinct driven.
the eight of wands typically only depicts the wands in the background. this card depicts a serious looking man in armor preparing to shoot an arrow. it is pointing directly at the five pentacles on the stained glass window of the church. i think the additional person in the five of pentacles can also allude to an expanding sense of community through these difficult times. the eight of wands is communication and good news. the five of pentacles can be financial or emotional hardship, or the the fear of those things. so whatever communication comes in will shatter that.
at the center of the reading, we have the fool. the magician directly above feels like maturity and growth and per the magician card, "as above, so below" right? haha. the fool is about taking a leap of faith. it's an opportunity to start over. in the RWS the fool is seen about to walk off a cliff, white rose in hand and a dog at his side warning him of danger. here, he is empty-handed(probably important), approaching a field of white roses and a dog that looks angry, frightened, and defensive. usually when i see dogs in a reading, i interpret them as being symbolic of loyalty so i feel like that has something to do with the dog's demeanor and reaction here. i don't know. this feels very conflicting. like wanting to jump into a new beginning but the fear of doing so is prominent here.
on the other side of this we have the six of wands. in this six of wands we see the moments preceding a final victory. he is about to be rewarded. this is followed by the seven of pentacles. usually the man is seen resting and staring at the pentacles, assessing their investments and hard work. here, he appears to be more actively sowing which feels much less like a pause and more like persevering and building towards growth. since they came out in this order it feels like envisioning a victory is motivating him to continue his efforts.
i finished up a reading in this same format for a friend and i think this is a lovely exercise. i'm not posting it here for privacy, but it is kinda funny that i ended up picking up on someone around us for BOTH OF US. i felt like i had written too much but she kept giving me compliments on my improvement and the level of detail. i guess in a video format it wouldn't feel as long or like too much. ideally i would want to do lives but i just don't feel quick enough yet. i need to know when a good point to dive in would be though. i know exactly how the perfectionist virgo brainworms can be and i know i should start before i feel "perfect." for now though, i am having fun learning how to write again.
i was guided not to post any detailed readings for a while. i didn't realize how long it has actually been until i just looked at the date of my last entry lol. i still pull cards regularly, i was just not supposed to post anything.
i was playing baldur's gate and i wasn't allowed to focus on that so here i am. having an intense wave of deja vu as i type this.
strongly urged to use the seed & sickle deck. i think i may have only looked through it once or twice. i had to retake the photos for this and noticed the card at the bottom of the moonology deck was "new moon in gemini - communication is key." as all of the cards are new moon cards, i have a feeling an upcoming new moon is important. the next one is on the 17th in aquarius. i also initially only pulled oracle cards but after i retook the photos of them i was called to pull tarot. i keep getting interupted and i can't just hurry up and play i guess. which is likely message in itself. i never use the wild unknown tarot so it's strange that i'm using this deck.
song 1: after the storm
song 2: love you less
oleander: uncertainty; clouded decisions don't make hasty decistions no matter how the situation seems on the surface. consider every angle; your emotions won't benefit you here.
roman chamomile: said to have been used by ancient roman soldiers to promote courage and calm nerves during battles; soothes feelings of frustration
new moon in scorpio - work through your fears: demands facing the shadow; letting go of a grudge; stop being obsessive; move on from jealousy
feels like the more shadowy side of scorpio. think of mars being the traditional ruler of scorpio. clearly very frustrated and guided not to act impulsively on those emotions.
holly: feelings of overwhelm; significant decisions; balance and recentering; time to focus on yourself; once you have chosen your path there is no turning back. think through things carefully.
vetiver: thought to address deep-seated fears and is invaluable for those who feel like they are experiencing a "dark night of the soul." symbolizes stability, endurance, and restoration.
new moon in pisces - meditate and contemplate: face your fears; situation being healed; avoid being deceptive or willingly deceived. listen to your feelings.
the guidebook page for vetiver is 111 and 47 for holly breaks down to an 11. in numerology 1 represents the self. feels very overwhelmed with having to make a decision due to fear. the fear is loud. quietly sitting with how you feel can help you find the clarity to make the right decision for yourself
energy this cycle: dandelion sooo this deck has a dusk and a dawn guidebook. in a way i feel like this just sort of repeats the above two energies. for dusk(left) it talks about the feeling of things finally settling down but potentially being upended and an urge to fight arising. it advises a shift in perspective. for dawn(right) it mentions being stuck between choices. staying rooted in safety vs a new adventure. the decision cannot be made lightly and requires careful consideration and timing. the decision still needs to be made though.
what to leave behind: 3 of swordsyou are being asked to let go of feelings of heartbreak, betrayal, and turmoil. i wouldn't make decisions while in this energy. let your heart heal.
what to focus on: daughter of wands: interesting to see another snake in this reading. i feel like this is urging you to focus on what inspires you and to be more optimistic and free.
what do you not see coming? two of swords, son of swords, 4 of wandsthat makes 3 swords again. it may be a different type of bird as the one on the holly card, but it is still a bird. the two of swords can represent the confusion accompanying indecision and an avoidance of emotions and the truth. the son of swords indicates an urgent push forward and decisive action. the 4 of wands is a card of completion and celebration. basically the stalemate will come to an abrupt end.
at this point i should stop being surprised about how well the cards match sometimes but it still makes me so excited every time. i love it so much (:
song: jhene aiko, twenty88 - only lovers left alive
astro dice - libra, moon, 7h balance, compromise, partnership
swan and the lover: heightened creativity, reflection, connection, expansion, gratitude, beauty, sensuality
crow and the offering: seeing the unseen, generosity, wisdom, sacrifice in the pursuit of wisdom and perspective
air: winged animals and butterflies. libra is an air sign and the 7h is an air house. freedom, movement, intellect, inspiration
there is a crescent moon on the offering card and on the astrology dice. the crow is holding onto a spherical object and there is also one in the center of the swan's neck.
when received my dream tarot deck back in april, the merchant that i ordered from included these 3 cards in the package.
my brother has been curious about my oracle cards so he randomly comes into my room to pull cards. a lot of the time it doesn't feel so random because it's when i am getting lost in my head about things. sometimes he will pull cards that i did a few days prior. like our ancestors are confirming things for me when i am doubting myself.
i love my life <3
my brother was pulling wild child oracle cards for me and a few of them fell into a bag as soon as he pulled the bloom card. we had to dig them out and count the cards again because we didn't know how many fell. it was 3. the reflection, opportunity, and flight cards
there are 3 pink roses and 3 white daisies
"the number of pink roses used in an arrangement also has its own unique meaning. A bunch of just three pink roses, for example, says ‘I love you’ "
daisies are "frequently associated with purity, childbirth, new beginnings, and cheerfulness. daisy petals symbolize innocence and are commonly associated with childhood memories of collecting wildflower bouquets. flower girls scatter daisy petals at weddings to represent the purity of love"
asked for 6 cards, not taking reversals and using the guidebook for the deck
the empress, 8 of pentacles, the high priestess, the lovers, the hanged man, 6 of swords
the empress: the empress embodies love, beauty and creative energy. she is wealthy,resourceful and abundant. she is surrounded by the fruits of her labor.
everything she touches turns into gold. she knows her value. she is powerful and resourceful. success is always within reach. the empress can sometimes refer to an older feminine energy
8 of pentacles: hard work and determination. the pentacles on this card are clocks and the man in the card is holding one of the clocks and looking at it.
clarified with the sleepwalker's lenormand. the ring. " put on this ring, and our lives will be bound together forever. keywords: commitment, marriage, partnership, cooperation, recuurrences, reincarnation, loop
the high priestess: used the lenormand to clarify again and pulled a card unique to that deck that does not have a description. there is a crescent moon in both cards. in the high priestess card she is closing her eyes and pointing in the direction of the moon.
definitely something about following intuition.
the lovers: the lovers represents making a decision. there are two apples on the card.
the hanged man: there apples on this card as well, but there are many more on the tree that he is hanging from. looking at things from a different perspective. assuming that this reflection is related to the previous decision related to the lovers. surrender and release. used an astrology deck for clarification and pulled scorpio and chiron. the scorpio card says "intensity, exposing, purging, renewing.
chiron is the wounded healer in astrology. i looked up what chiron in scorpio represents. power struggles, jealousy, obsession, self-sabotage.
6 of swords:moving on from a difficult situation. leaving the past behind and looking ahead towards the future. can also suggest a physical move or travel.
in this deck the 6 of swords features a woman, a child, and a skeletal, grim reaper-esque figure on a boat. clarified again with the lenormand and pulled the scythe, which is sort of interesting in relation to the imagery of the 6 of swords. these cards also both have a crescent moon. assuming this is related to the high priestess. the moon is especially prominent on the 6 of swords.
the description in the guidebook for this lenormand deck reads "when in pain, try severing your feelings decisively. all things end. look forward to your new beginnings."
now why did the devil card come out in 3 different decks. lol. lmao.
umm i have have over 40 oracle decks now. lol. lmao. i have a bunch of new ones that i need to get familiar with so that i know when i want to use them.
i'm really happy that i finally got my vermilion order. it came over a month after i ordered it because i was waiting for one deck to be restocked. all of those are super pretty decks. i like that they came with extras like pouches and stickers. definitely makes me want more pretty indie decks. my sister was like "are you okay?" and i had to be like "bro, the autism." idk they've been a really good tool for introspection and i love them lots.
getting into oracle cards finally made me buy an e-reader because i wanted all of my guidebooks in one place ^^
i left to eat in the middle of typing this reading out. i came back and bodysync - japan was paused at 3:33 on my spotify. feminine energy. lyrically seems to match the turtle energy nicely.
justice reversed:""a reminder to ask when and how are we complicit in perpetuating injustice. what do you omit from your personal narrative to protect your comfort? what stake do you have in maintaining the status quo?"
ace of pentacles:"you may have a lead on a new opportunity to expand your source of income. it turns out that you could do more, and that your contributions are more valuable than you realize. though you still need to work hard to see these new avenues through, it is heartening to realize that there are still opportunities out there for you."
the hierophant:"while the high priestess represents our internal spiritual workings, the hierophant is a figure of benign externalized spirituality. the key marks the hierophant as a gatekeeper. though there may be commitment necessary, it may be worthwhile to seek an organized outlet for a shared expression of spirituality."
"fortitude is representative of courage, and there is no courage without fear. acknowledge your shortcomings and all the anxieties that accompany them, and then work your way forward."
felt like using cute cards today~ just gotta keep doing this and eventually i'll have the cards memorized lol
7 of swords reversed, 6 of cups, 10 of pentacles
using the guidebook for another cat deck because it felt right
7 of swords reversed: "your iron grip is not helping you. there's so much to let go of: old, destructive habits; inner doubt; boredom; lack of follow-through. a personal overhaul is in the offering if you want to get out of this rut. ignoring matters won't make them go away. time to take a stand, no matter how much it scares you
6 of cups: "perhaps you're reconnecting with your inner kitten or with actual kittens. either way, good things from the past are coming up for you. maybe it's a good time to laze in a ray of sunshine with an old pal? spend quality time teaching a young one how to keep their food inside the bowl? (as opposed to ,say, sitting in it.) whatever's on the horizon, it's happy times ahead.
10 of pentacles: "your success was not a flash in the pan. it's been a long process, and now you have complete fulfillment. connection, love, and respect. be generous. good relationships and returning affection bring their own reasons to purr with contentment"
i used the lenormand for clarification on the 7 of swords. the 2 cards from my first reading that i posted came out, with the broom in between them. the broom is supposed to represent tidying up and the gradual clearing of obstacles
i can't wait to look back on this diary a few years from now to see how i've progressed. for now, i am having a lot of fun exposing myself to new cards and appreciating how harmonized they are coming out together. i don't know how what the next real step is, but i will end up there when i am ready.
there is a full moon in scorpio today at 22°. "kill or be killed. eat or be eaten. win at all costs" the burial of this through transformation.
the red snake is making me think of kundalini, since the serpent starts at the red root chakra.
when in balance: safe, secure, grounded, strong sense of self, confidence, optimism, ability to set healthy boundaries
when out of balance: fearful, anxious, unstable, difficulty setting boundaries, lack of confidence, feelings of helplessness, sense of being overwhelmed
yesterday i watched park chan wook's "decision to leave." i remembered that there was a scene with a pomegrante in it. i searched it up to see if maybe there was something in there that was worth examining but instead google ai decided that i wanted to know about persephone and hades.
"The pomegranate's many seeds represent the abundance and potential for life, mirroring the duality of Persephone as both the goddess of spring and the queen of the Underworld."
+ graceful, perceptive, artistic, awake, grateful, self-contained
- insomnia, racing mind, tired, needy, forgetting its own practice
"the wounded healer is not someone who was wounded and is now healed. it is someone who continues to courageously break open the self and ego as a means for deep integration"
"coincidentally" i posted a carl jung quote about the ouroboros on my tumblr yesterday night. "The Ouroboros is a dramatic symbol for the integration and assimilation of the opposite, i.e. of the shadow.
pg 111 - "111 generally signifies new beginnings, divine alignment, and the importance of being present and focused on your goals"
there is a need to return to the present moment and appreciate what you have learned from your shadow.
+ artistic, telepathic, spiritual, magic abounds, childlike wonder, adventure
- elusive, non-committal, flaky, concealment, density, savagery
"Midway through our journey of life, I found myself in a dark wood, for the straight path was lost"
"they will eat their own tails if they are hungry enough"
honestly i think the advice of working on a creative project for bringing the lizard into balance sounds like a good match for someone lost in the forest.
+ sees clearly, joyful, magical, spaciousness, potential, possibility
- can't concentrate, busy mind, addiction, instability, more for more's sake
i couldn't get my shadow out of the way when i was taking photos of the connecting energy cards in particular. this probably means something lol.
feeling really tired again today. the energy has been heavy today. the moon witch oracle was on my desk so i pulled a card.
when i pulled the card i was asking for advice and here is what the guidebook says:
five of cups, the world, knight of wands
the person in the five of cups mourns and contemplates the three spilled cups in front of them and does not notice the two full cups behind them. "while he cannot change past events, it is up to him to make the best of what remains" it is the card of upset and loss. saturn is in the sky. saturn brings challenges to help you grow stronger and wiser. "difficulties are not punishments but opportunities for growth and self realization. by aligning with saturn's energy one can navigate life's challenges with grace and emerges stronger, wiser, and more spiritually aligned."
the world follows the five of cups, signaling success and completion. the woman in the card holds a wand in each hand, representing balance of opposing forces. interestingly, saturn is the ruler of the world card. the four symbols on the corners of this card represent the fixed signs of the zodiac. leo (fire, the lion), aquarius(air, the angel), taurus(earth, the bull), and scorpio(water, the eagle). it also represents the four minor arcana suites (cups, wands, pentacles, swords) the world denotes completion and reward for your efforts. a phase is coming to an end in a positive way.
the final card here is the knight of wands. this indicates things going better than expected and tells you to put your plans into motion. the knight of wands represents a surge of energy, daring adventures, and self-assured confidence. brave&rebellious. full of energy and enthusiasm.
as a person, the knight of wands is someone charming, adventurous, energetic, fealess, and confident. fire energy. a revolutionary with an open mind and a free spirit.
spoke with my mom and she told me that her grandfather on her dad's side used plants for healing and did palmistry. she described him as a handsome man with light skin. when she was a teenager he predicted with a palm reading that she would marry someone from another country. she said that when i was 2 years old i told her that she "didnt have a grandpa anymore" and then she found out that he had actually died in the 80's and that she just didn't know about it. she told me about various near death experiences that have happened around her and times that she had witnessed and experienced protection. she told me that it was important not to wish for bad things to happen out of anger because it will hurt you instead and that people with spiritual powers have to use them for good. i pulled a beast soul card for her and it was the pure swan. she told me that they only have one partner and if they are separated they isolate and mourn them forever. i don't think this is actually true. she also mentioned something about doves but was unsure about what they meant. apparently they are supposed to be messengers.
nine of pentacles, four of wands, ace of cups. the fool on the bottom of the deck
nine of pentacles: nighttime, wolf, icecream shop. abundance and rewards through hard work. stability & security.
four of wands: two snails, one holding a ring. celebration and commitment
ace of cups: happy rabbit in a teacup. new beginnings, happiness, love, joy
the fool: a rabbit and a bear holding hands entering a theme park. the entrance looks like a scary haunted house but they look like they feel safe together. new beginnings, potential, a leap of faith, a fresh start
other photos on my phone from this day: the wolf, the mouse, the butterfly, and the moth animal spirit oracle guidebook pages. a list of the perfume samples that i ordered. a screenshot of the game "threads of fate", a screenshot of stills from the film "a touch of sin"
using the boji blog lenormand i asked for what i needed to know and received the stars and an unlabeled art card.
keywords for the star in lenormand are hope, spirituality, dreams, inspiration, and progress. the star represents dreams and the journey to the fulfillment of those wishes. this card is telling you to trust that everything will is going to be okay. the character in this card has a star in it's hands and is looking up at night sky. holding onto a wish and hopefully looking to the moon and stars.
i couldn't find a guidebook for this deck so i'm just interpreting the art card based on the image. interestingly goes well with the star. the character from the first card appears here and is depicted with a crystal ball. they are with another character here with baskets full of things that they have gathered in front of them. it is also night time in this image and there are glowing orbs around them. maybe they brought the stars down from the sky and made their wishes come true.
250626 update: i was scrolling through my photos and i saved this one on the day i did this reading.
